“Did Your Face Get Stuck That Way?” And 4 Online Dating Tips For Chicks

Last week I lay down some guidelines for things that guys who are online dating should do and, more importantly, not do. This week, ’cause I’m an egalitarian, I’m bringing it back for the ladies.

Let’s jump right in.

1. You are not a self-help book.

Writing a description of yourself is hard; I get that. But you know what I don’t get? Explaining yourself with a weird cliche that you found in a book on how to be a stronger woman. When I read “About me: Live, Love and Laugh” or “It’s not about where you’re going but how you get there,” my eyes glaze over at the banality.

2. Did your face get stuck that way?

I know that you’re used to taking lots and lots of photos of you and your besties. As a result, you’ve gotten really good at that one smile and that one pose but if you’re going to use five pictures in which your face is exactly the same, you start to look more like an automaton and less like a potential mate.

I want to see what you look like so ditch the fish lips, the peace signs and that same creepy smile. Show me actual fun and real laughing!

3. Wait… which one are you?

You and all your friends looked super cute that night at the club… And that night at the restaurant… And that night at the beach. But if you put up seven group shots, I have no idea which girl you are.

Admittedly, this is a great test: weed out the bros who were looking at your more attractive friend that was also in all of those pictures. But if he was stupid enough to not figure out which one you were, he’s also stupid enough to tell you and subsequently bum you out. One group picture, max, please, for everyone’s sake.

On a related note…

4. I don’t want to see you and your ex. Or your Mom. Or your dog. Or your kid.

Damn. You look so beautiful and so happy… Hanging on that guy that you used to date. And oh! That’s what your Mom looks like? Well at least I know that you’re going to age well. Dang, I’m a dog guy too! And I’m SO psyched that you love dogs and that you routinely take pictures of the two of you making out! And… oh… you have a kid… and you thought that if that information wasn’t enough, that you should post his picture and then say that he’s the most important thing in your life? Girl, you got me feeling so crazy right now. I just want to get this ring on you.

Seriously though, you’re putting yourself on this site because you care about you and you want us to care about you. So while I want to know if you have a kid and whether you like dogs or cats, I strongly suggest that you simply say this and allow us to meet your loved ones after we’ve decided to commit to one another.

Does that make sense? Choosing your pictures with care? Or should I just send you a dick pic? Because a picture of you and your chihuahua has a similar effect on me.

 

Photo by LeggWear104 via CC License on Flickr

 

 

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