Pulling the Hitachi Magic Wand Original out of the box feels a little bit like sitting down in a Lincoln Continental from the 1970s: you’re simultaneously awed by its size and a little doubtful about whether or not you’re going to make it out of this experience alive. In the age of sex toys like the Vesper, the Hitachi’s design just seem awfully… quaint.
But my momma always told me not to judge a book by its cover and I try not to judge a personal massager sex toy too much by it’s design because if it can deliver the Os, who really cares what it looks like? I mean, let’s be real: a fair few of us have masturbated with a swiveling, pearl-filled cock being ridden by a bunny rabbit.
That happened, ladies. That definitely happened.
Feeling a little funny about plugging in a sex toy (another first for me!), I endeavored to find out what all the hype is about. After all, Samantha got so hot and bothered about the Hitachi Magic Wand Original way back in the day and I’ve seen nothing but rave reviews about the old war horse ever since. Surely so many women must be on to something.
I decided to start slow with… OH MY GOD.
I… I couldn’t, guys. I just couldn’t. The Wand has two speeds – nitrous and hyperdrive – and both of them were way, way too “deep muscle penetrating” for this lady’s lady parts. When something was put between the Wand and my 8,000 sensory nerve endings, the buzz was pleasant and definitely a turn-on but the lack of concentrated stimulation meant it was not going to finish the job.
But here’s the deal: Every woman’s body is different. We have sex differently, we masturbate differently, and we get off differently. Some women are like a ’72 El Camino with a hair trigger accelerator – they blast off at the slightest touch – while others are more like a ’62 Corvair with a flat six – it’s gonna take awhile to get there. For my body, the Hitachi Magic Wand Original just wasn’t going to cut it – but that doesn’t mean it won’t work for yours.
The funniest thing about this entire experiment with arguably the world’s most famous sex toy is the fact that my boyfriend had been suffering from a pinched nerve in his shoulder for the two weeks before my Wand came in the mail. While we discovered pretty quickly that the toy wasn’t going to work for our intended purpose, let’s just say that my boyfriend had a much more relaxing post-coital cuddle than usual and his shoulder felt much, much better in the morning.
And, of course, deep tissue massage was the original purpose of the Hitachi Magic Wand Original, before horny women all across America got their manicured hands on it. Back in the bad old days before female-friendly sex shops and the normalization of sex toys (at least for women), ladies who needed that kind of intense stimulation had to MacGyver their orgasms from whatever was available. Electric toothbrush? Check. Back massager? Check, check!
Today, in 2014, the Hitachi Magic Wand Original is still providing plenty of women worldwide (and for those of you in Australia, here’s one that works with your voltage requirements) with mind-blowing orgasms but I’m just not ever going to be one of them. C’est la vie and on to the next!
This is a sponsored post. For more information on sponsored posts, please email emma [at] kinkandcode [dot] com.
Image courtesy of real Hitachi Magic Wand HV25OR via CC License on Flickr.